Supernatural NCIS fusion stories
by whomii2
Summary: Supernatural characters as NCIS characters. (Dean is Tony; Sam is McGee; Bobby is Gibbs; Cas is Ziva; Gabriel is Abby) [series of one-shots]
1. Chapter 1 Contemplation

Dean sat down and started organizing his notes, hoping to get the paperwork on their latest case squared away. It had been a grueling one, but finally they had been successful and gotten their perp. Though not without a little help from Bobby's FBI friend, Rufus. Dean wasn't sure how those two grumpy old men forged a friendship, but would have to admit that Rufus was better than his FBI colleague Hendrickson, who had once tried to put Dean away as a serial killer.

But now the case was over and Dean was looking forward to his weekend, and he suspected his teammates were looking forward to some downtime as well. Though they probably had different ideas of what a fun time would be. Dean, well Dean would be heading out to his favorite bar to have a few beers and seek out some female company. Bobby would probably take out a bottle of the good stuff and putter around on one of the many junkers he had parked around his house. Whereas Sam, the big girl, would probably spend his weekend online as an Elf lord. That, or writing about the team under his pseudonym, Chuck Shirley. Dean snorted, he still couldn't picture people paying good money to read that crap about them. And Cas, well, Dean hadn't the foggiest idea what Cas considered 'fun', if Cas even understood the concept.

Dean didn't think that in the whole time Cas had been on their team that Dean had ever seen him so much as crack a smile. Cas was definitely a strange one (total weirdo). Yet in all Dean's years in law enforcement, Cas was the first person outside his family Dean had considered a true partner, even if they had gotten off to a rocky start. Castiel came to them as a soldier from a secret army of another nation. An army respected and feared throughout the world despite its 'unofficial' status. And more, Cas was the son of the head of that army, a legendary figure cloaked in mystery. Cas hadn't joined their team under the best of circumstances. He came to help them capture his older brother, Lucifer, a dangerous terrorist set free from prison with the inadvertent help of Dean's team. It was this, and the knowledge of the damage Lucifer could be responsible for once he had reestablished himself in the outside world, that had forced the team to accept Castiel's presence. The initial working relationship had been rocky, particularly between Dean and Cas. Dean disliked Castiel's dour and disapproving attitude and his laser-like focus on the job to the exclusion of all else, including eating and sleeping (let alone any other diversions). And Cas, well Cas didn't seem too fond of Dean's disrespect for authority and general laid-back attitude. And yet, from the very first, Dean had found himself instinctively trusting Cas to have his back and to do what was right. And the trials they had gone through in the pursuit of Lucifer had caused them to develop a respect for each other and a tolerance for each others quirks. Now Dean found the opportunity to educate Cas about American idioms, pop culture, and junk food (pie in particular) to be fun, and looked on Cas' lack of both social skills and respect for personal space with fondness.

Although he wasn't above teasing Cas about what a fish-out-of-water he was from time to time. Just not too much, because despite his unassuming appearance Cas had been a soldier for what seemed like his whole life and was a total BAMF. Dean had taken to calling him a ninja for his habit of appearing seemingly out of nowhere, which was handy in a firefight but a little disconcerting in the office (and no, he had not squealed like a girl the last time). Dean would have to admit, if only to himself, that Cas and he shared a bond and Cas was part of the family now.

The new family Dean had to create after the downward spiral the Winchester's lives had been on since the tragedy of their mother's murder. That murder had led their father John on an obsessive quest to find the person responsible. The unfortunate side effect of that quest had been that he had less and less time to spend with his boys as his need to find the perpetrator took more and more of his time. This had just strengthened the bond between Dean and Sam as they were forced to depend more and more on each other. Eventually, Dean had followed in his father's footsteps and become a cop. Sam had taken a different approach to the family law-enforcement business, going to school to become a lawyer. But the tragic death of his fiancé had led him to take a more active approach to the pursuit of justice. Ultimately Bobby had taken them both under his wing and gathered them on his team.

Bobby Singer was a tough ex-marine with little tolerance for 'idjits' but who was well known and respected in the law enforcement community, someone others went to for help and advice. He had known their father and had even known the boys when they were younger, which had ultimately led to their teaming up. Bobby made an excellent team lead. He was one of the few people aside from his dad who could give Dean an order he would follow without question. Dean would have Bobby's six under any circumstances and was proud of his position as Senior Agent. Dean also had to admit that Sam's knowledge of the law as well as his minor in computer science at college made him an excellent geek-researcher for the team (and his size didn't hurt in a fight). Surprisingly Castiel was an even bigger stickler for the rules sometimes-he even wore a suit to work all the friggin' time (and Dean could swear it was the same suit-didn't the man have any other clothes?). That and the trench coat -what was up with that? It seemed to be Cas' security blanket because he insisted on wearing it in spite of all Dean's comments on its lack of coolness.

But with Cas' sneaky ninja stealth and bad-ass fighting skills there was only so far Dean was willing to push the subject. And stealing the coat as a prank was out-he didn't want to end up with a beat down in an alley for finally pushing Cas past his breaking point. That and Cas responding with an uncomprehending head tilt and a deadpan request for an explanation made pranking Cas no fun. So Sam was the usual target of Dean's pranks, just like when they were kids. Dean kept his prank paraphernalia (super glue, whoopee cushion, itching powder, fake snake) in his lower desk drawer under some copies of Busty Asian Beauties knowing the magazines would form a deterrent and keep them safe. But while Dean liked to think of himself as a master of pranks, he would have to admit to himself that even he would have to bow before the master Trickster that was their lab geek.

The one and only time Dean had engaged in a prank war with Gabriel had not ended well for Dean. He still woke up some nights in a sweat after a nightmare - seeing the smirk on Gabe's face and what he had done to Dean's precious Impala. But Dean guessed mad pranking skills were part and parcel of being an eccentric geek genius. Gabe was often threatening he could kill someone without leaving a trace. In various macabre and humiliating ways. But he also had the ability to pull evidence seemingly from thin air with just a snap of his fingers so everyone kept him appeased and in a good mood with frequent bribes of candy. It was surprising the guy didn't weigh a ton, although maybe the constant sugar high explained his manic attitude. Dean had to admit, although Gabe had a snarky attitude and an atrocious taste in clothes (and porn) the dude knew how to party. Dean had once seen him cajole two beautiful babes into going to bed with him (and how was that possible?). Maybe Gabe would be up for some action this weekend now the case was over. Dean had a feeling he might make a half-decent wing man.


	2. Chapter 2 Speed Date

Dean sat and sulked. This was so unfair. He was the undercover specialist and this case was right up his alley. The stabbing deaths of some sailors on leave over the past several weeks had led to suspicions of a serial killer. Sam had discovered that all of the victims had been members of the same online dating service and that the killings had coincided with mixers held by the dating service during the periods when the victims had shore leave. So Sam had created an online persona and they were now ready to send agents in undercover at the various mixers being held this weekend.

Dean thought that chatting up women was totally his forte, but the other team members couldn't in good conscience see inflicting Dean on that many unsuspecting and innocent women. Besides, the victims had tended to be more "geeky" hence Sam's crafting of the online persona. But Sam's hair would never pass for regulation (and he was resistant to sacrificing it for the cause) and there was some concern that his size might be intimidating to their killer. So the undercover assignment fell to Cas, who could totally rock the nerdy look and whose unprepossessing appearance masked his deadly fighting skills. So they put Cas in a naval uniform, slicked down his hair, and gave him a pair of Clark Kent-type glasses with a hidden camera and headed off in the surveillance van to the site of the their assigned speed dating mixer.

While Cas went to register under his pseudonym Sam took up position as backup by posing as a bartender. Dean had pouted again at his exclusion but Dean+women+booze was just asking for trouble. So Dean was relegated to the surveillance van with Bobby and Gabriel. Gabriel had jumped at the chance to come when he heard what the undercover gig was, and there was no way he would trust Bobby or Dean to run the complicated and expensive surveillance equipment in Sam's place.

They settled in to wait, Cas sitting at his assigned table clutching his beer like a lifeline with his wide blue eyes magnified by his fake glasses. Sam gave Cas an encouraging smile while Dean and Gabriel snickered in the van. Bobby shook his head and focused on his coffee while raising his impenetrable "don't mess with me aura" to disassociate himself from the idjits in the back of the van.

As the first woman sat at Cas's table for the round of "dates", Cas took the advice he had found on Google to open with some interesting facts about himself and in a deep solemn voice intoned:

"Hello, my name is Castiel. I'm single, financially stable, and have a very interesting DNA structure."

When that didn't pan out he next tried the advice suggesting breaking the ice with a question:

"Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?"

Gabriel smirked and murmured that Cas could use a little help with the ladies. Dean charged in to the rescue and fed Cas some of his "top-notch, sure-fire, never fail" pick-up lines for the next three women.

"Hey baby, ya wanna get lucky?"

(this got Cas a drink thrown in his face)

"Those are bodacious ta-tas!"

(this unfortunately came out more as a question than a statement, though whether the problem was the "bodaciousness" of the objects refered to or the meaning of the word "ta-tas" was unclear)

"Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?"

(this victim looked disgusted and left the table before time was called)

When Gabriel stopped laughing he insisted that he feed Cas the lines for the next 3 women. Considering the reactions he had been getting so far, Cas was more than ready for a change:

"My lips are skittles, wanna taste the rainbow?"

(she didn't)

"You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy."

(Cas's slow and overly precise enunciation pretty much ruined this line, if such a line could be ruined)

"Baby, you're so sweet, you could put Hershey's out of business. And speaking of Hershey's, can I have a kiss?"

(No)

Sam groaned and said Cas shouldn't listen to them. Women like romance and Cas should flatter his "dates" and say nice, rather than crude, things. Dean and Gabriel eyed each other and decided to accept the chick-flick moment challenge.

And so it began, Dean and Gabriel alternating feeding Cas pick-up lines for his speed dates, getting progressively more flowery and outlandish, while Sam eyed the liquor surrounding him and mourned that he wasn't allowed to drink on the job. Bobby continued to ignore his team's shenanigans.

[Dean suggestion] You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.

[Gabriel suggestion] I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you

[Dean suggestion] Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?

[Gabriel suggestion] You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room

[Dean suggestion] If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

[Gabriel suggestion] If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.

[Dean suggestion] Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

[Gabriel suggestion] If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away

[Dean suggestion] When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part.

Finally Bobby exclaimed "Balls!" and grumpily left to get more coffee, neglecting to mention that he had just been texted that their killer had been snared by one of the other undercover teams and that the evening had been a total waste.

Afterwards, there was some discussion whether the prolongation of the undercover assignment was a reward or a punishment, as opinions differed amongst those stationed inside and outside the bar.

Epilogue: while the pick-up lines caused Cas to go down in flames with all his speed dates, his seriousness, good manners, and generous tip won a date with the waitress working the mixer. (the uniform and shy smile didn't hurt either)


End file.
